我的页面

For My Dad;
Because of your love, we have a special relationship;
Because of God, I know where you are;
Because of Heaven, I’ll see you again;

As I looked at dad lying on the bed, I blatantly ask god in my heart that I served HIM faithfully for many years. That I committed my life, my family, attending prayer meeting and encouraging friends with scripture. “Have I done something wrong God? Have I misunderstood Your plan for my life?
Aren’t you supposed to claim Your victory and want us to witness to others? What about your words? Your promises? If this is what comes from serving you, then what’s the use? Why I have to go through such an unbearable pain? I thought I knew you. Now I can’t do anything, yes, you said you will never forsake me. Well… where are you now? If you are here, show me how you raise the dead!!
In our most vulnerable moments, Satan loves to torment us. I could hear the most taunting phrases pierced my soul. “that is over, you fail the test, you had failed!” You think you have learned to have faith to pray for healing for other people! You don’t even have great faith to heal your dad! Your life is over. Your ministry is over, because you fail.
I was too weak t speak and too weak to fight, the words were true, I had nothing left. My dad was gone. Looking back now, I realize that was in a battle between life and death if I believed the lies of darkness.
I could feel an inner strength rising from the deepest well of my soul. It was middle of the night at 3 am, I put on my running shoes and went for a big run. I felt dad was with me, some kind of a spirit is following me when I run. I ran as fast as my leg could carry me or the pace of feeling frustration, the persistent and the power within my spirit prevailed.
In my heart, I shouted to the darkness:” You can say anything, but you will never win me over from God.” I will love God and I know that I will see my dad in heaven again. I will still continue to run the race for God.
God came strongly to me with his great love and comfort, my tears fell on my cheeks when I heard HIM said :”The Lord will strengthen you.” He has been carried me through every stages of my pain, HE has drawn near to me from that moment on.
“For just as the heaven are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”
Throughout the whole funeral I was angry, and yet has absolutely no energy to get it out. I just felt like to stand on the rooftop and shout my objections. I’ve longed for restoration, for peace, but I also learned that there are no shortcuts to that leg of grief’s journey.
TO BE CONTINUE ......